My Fertility Journey: Finding a Double Rainbow
The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your doctor for the most appropriate treatment.
Where do I start? My in vitro fertilization (IVF) story used to sound like something out of a fairytale—a story that many admired.
It all started when my partner and I fell in love, got married, and wanted to have children. But on our path to having a child, we had to conquer many obstacles that stood in our way.
My body had a difficult time producing viable eggs. I thought this might be an issue, as I had been told of reproductive problems in my teen years, including polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Despite all this, after 2 rounds of IVF, a healthy child was born. There was nothing that stood in our way as we were united and strong.
Together we had conquered so much and in about 2 more years, another child would be born after a few obstacles. Two healthy, beautiful children.
That was one chapter of my life.
My second IVF story didn’t start out like a fairytale. Instead it was one person: me. A person who was heartbroken, shattered, and served with divorce papers. The woman I loved fell for another woman—I was devastated.
The vision of my happily ever after was still there, but at that moment, it was clouded by overwhelming feelings. The dreams I had when I was a little girl of having a big family seemed unreachable. It took time to find them again. I was navigating this new life of being alone and having my kids only half the time.
But instead of letting this painful event conquer me, I transformed it into self-growth. Slowly but surely, I picked myself back up and became stronger. My dreams of having a big family were still there. Everything was clear, and the path to wanting more children began.
Slowly but surely, I picked myself back up and became stronger.
This path was even more challenging than my last one. I had lawyers, doctors, hormones, stress, excitement, disappointment, sadness—you name it, it was involved in this journey.
Meanwhile, the nursery I had in my house sat empty. Each time I walked past that room I just felt sad. I found myself closing the door. My oldest daughter kept asking me when I would have another child. When will she have another sister or a brother? I had no answer for her or for myself. Time seemed to pass ever so slowly.
I decided to fight for my previously created embryos, and the judge in my case awarded them to me. But shortly afterward, the decision was appealed and put back into the court—I felt helpless.
I knew I was infertile, and the odds to gather any viable eggs again were not in my favor. I knew getting pregnant would be a challenge for me without help. I knew I was running out of money and willpower to keep going. I knew my body wasn’t getting any younger. But I kept going.
Since I wasn’t able to touch my frozen embryos that my body had miraculously produced many years ago, I tried what I could to get pregnant. I tried 3 at-home inseminations.
One was successful but ended in an early miscarriage. I went back to my IVF clinic and had my eggs retrieved again. After I was told my eggs were not viable, I still decided to try another round.
As I was undergoing round 4 of IVF, I was offered a settlement for my embryos. The emotions I felt were unexplainable. These embryos were the viable eggs my body gave its all to produce. They could now be mine. I cried. I could try to get pregnant. Would my body be able to hold a pregnancy?
Looking back at myself 2 years ago as I was heartbroken and falling apart, I didn’t see this moment ever happening for me. I told myself that I must get through the storm to find my rainbow.
I did a 2-embryo transfer and now here I am, 25 weeks pregnant with twins. I am beyond thankful. I have 2 adorable kids who can’t wait to be big sisters. I have a girlfriend who cares deeply for me. I have family and friends who love me unconditionally. I have support all around me. I am finally starting the next chapter of my life after feeling like my book was finished.
