Third Time’s a Charm
The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your doctor for the most appropriate treatment.
From the moment we first met in 2013, we shared a passion for starting a family and having kids. As gay men, however, our options to build our family were limited.
From the moment we first met in 2013, we shared a passion for starting a family and having kids. As gay men, however, our options to build our family were limited.
Ultimately, we felt surrogacy was the approach that fit us best. But, as many know, it is a very expensive venture to embark on. It took us until 2019 to work out the finances to make surrogacy an actual option for us. Neither of our work benefits had any in vitro fertilization (IVF) reimbursements for gay couples, so we had to get creative.
We were blessed to have two family members who offered to be our egg donor and surrogate, so we just needed to scrape up enough money to cover the costs of IVF: the embryo creation and transfer. With the help of our clinic, we were able to secure a loan through an IVF financing company to cover these costs.
After the egg retrieval and fertilization, we were ecstatic to have three embryos make it to the blastocyst stage. We chose to do preimplantation genetic testing (PGT), which unfortunately all three of our embryos failed. We were devastated. We had felt that this was our one shot at making our family dreams a reality.
It took us quite a few years before we were able to pay off our original loan and felt we were emotionally capable of attempting a second journey. Unfortunately, after working with our clinic to secure a new egg donor, clear our FDA physical, and complete lab work and psychological exams, this second attempt also failed when our clinic did not clear our altruistic surrogate. Again, we found ourselves with crushed hopes and dreams. We really believed this was our last chance at growing our family and our grief was heavy.
Fast forward to 2023 when one of our employers added “family creation benefits” that included LGBTQ+ employees. Without these benefits, it would not have been possible for us to try again. With these new benefits in hand, we contacted our clinic and started the process with the motto, “Third times a charm!”
Through the help of our employer, clinic, surrogacy agency, and our amazing surrogate, we are now almost 35 weeks pregnant with a little boy on the way, and we’re counting down the weeks until he is here.
They say it takes a village, and we could not be more grateful for ours, and for making our dreams of having a family come true.
